It was a gray, cloudy, and rainy morning as I woke up for church that day. My wife and daughter were still asleep and the house as you would imagine was quiet, well except for the sound of the furnace blowing heat. As I normally do, I rarely say anything in the morning. I got dressed and grabbed my coat and journal. When I got into the car I had to lower the volume from the previous night’s Christmas music. Again, not saying anything, I had a silent heart and mind. I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me. First to turn off the radio, then He asked me a question,
“Do you know where your leadership came from?”
I was a bit caught off guard. If you know me well, you know that I am not that deep of a thinker that early in the morning! So, my vocal response was “Well yes Lord, my leadership came from my parents and you.” Then I preceded to pull out of my driveway. I answered the question perfectly! Little did I know the Holy Spirit wanted me to dig deeper. So, He said it again differently and in a language I would understand,
“What is the Genesis of your leadership?”
My car was filled with His presence. Much like the Christmas Carol, though I was no Scrooge, I was taken back to my childhood years. Memories began to flood my mind as if I were watching live. I saw images of my childhood that were a bit shameful, and some that were embarrassing. Meanwhile, I’m turning down Broadway now, minutes away from church. Like most of my childhood, I saw an image of myself in my room alone. I felt that moment. It was so real and raw. I heard chaos outside, probably another fight, and I heard mom stress being poured out as well. It was there, when I wanted to control my life, my environment, and my future. My natural leadership was spoken over me but it didn’t come right away. I was shown that the Genesis of my Leadership comes from a place of fear and control. I am afraid to let people in because of the chaos it can open so I lead them from a place of confidence. I am afraid to relinquish control. Maybe not of situations and people, but of how I will lead myself. To put it frankly, my leadership comes from a broken place.
As I pulled into the church parking lot, I was left with this revelation and with a hug from the Holy Spirit. I walked into the church and went about “leading.” But this time, with a clearer understanding of my Leadership Genesis. I thought well, I don’t want to lead from fear or control or from a broken place I want to lead from a brave, surrendered confident place! Honestly, leading from a broken place has showed me much about a perfect God. But that’s for a later post…
Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.